He sees her guilt:
The crease of crinkled wretched eyes
The wet folding palms like drowning lilies
Fetid past clutched in a choking throat
He sees the tears:
Unwanted guests with lambent tails
Incessant insects on the grey plane of her cheek
He scatters them with a gentle finger
He sees the scars:
Angry frowns on pale wrists
He kisses them with praying lips
Fighting demons with psalms
He sees her sleep:
Brow weighted with shadows
Lost inside a mind of fearful dreams
He rests a hand of benediction on her head
He sees her smile:
A bright, fleeting bird of summer
Flown away in winter
And he rejoices for what it was, and what it will be
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139,425 Literary Works • 672,560 Reviews
I have to agree with Mr. Knightley, this poem is wonderful! I love your description of the scars and the tears. Although at times I felt like you were trying to make use of your big vocabulary and I wonder if this isn't detracting from your story. Don't overwhelm the theme with lots of adjectives because it can become very distracting, especially for us as a reader. I too, am going to give this a star! Good job!
Wow, this is a very well written poem. It is about average poem length which is good, but I only wish it was longer. To me it flowed very well and I couldn't find any flaws. Not much for me to say other than keep writing poetry because this is a great piece of work.
~DayDreams
I very much enjoyed this poem! I'm personally one for colorful vocabulary and you used it perfectly here.
The story the poem tells is great as well. Its simplicity balances with your word choice nicely. I liked how the point of view is the father's, it is different than many poems of this same theme.
Very nice work! Thank you for sharing this!
-Lauren
Hi there. I'll be your reviewer for today.
So, I really like this poem. I love the descriptions you use, how you really let your vocabulary shine here. Never stop doing that. It's wonderful.
I also like that, despite the colorful words you use here, the story that this poem tells is a rather simple one. I am able to get right into it and get a good feel for it right away. Very good job on that.
All in all, a great poem. Thank you for sharing it with us!
Good job, and good luck.
-Conrad Rice
I really loved this poem, S.S. Rose. I especially like how every stanza was formatted the same, thus allowing me to focus more on the actual work. You have very nice imagery in here, and I like how you describe the things like her tears and scars. To be honest, I can't think of one thing that is wrong with this!
Keep up the awesome work! I shall give this a star! Woot!